Trapped

"Do you ever feel, well, trapped?" my wife asked me the other day.

She has these moments sometimes when she thinks I'm going to leave her and the baby. Chalk it up to hormones and the fact that she read in some magazine that men are more likely to cheat in the first year after a baby--something about feeling ignored. I think men that do that aren't men, they are little boys. I'm not a little boy.

Still, the subject comes up from time-to-time. It's not just her, either. One of her close friends didn't want to hire a young nanny because she was afraid her husband would end up running off with the nanny. Must be something in the new mommy water.

So when she brings it up, I tell her I don't feel trapped. Which is absolutely true. I don't feel trapped. In the interest of full disclosure though, the truth is, sometimes I do feel overwhelmed.

Babies not only are an incredible responsibility, they take up an inordinate amount of time, changing diapers, feedings, playtime, doing baby laundry, washing bottles, etc. I certainly have less time in my life for myself and my wife than I did before. And then there are the stresses that come from the unknown: when does "spitting up" become vomiting, why won't the baby stop crying, that sort of thing. I worry about BG a lot, not because anything is wrong with her--by all reports she's a happy, healthy, normal baby. But I've never done this before and not knowing all the answers can drive a guy like me nuts.

I'm an educated fellow. I have a graduate degree and when it comes to my career or life in general, I've always felt pretty in-control. I thought that would be the same with the baby. But that's simply not true. I am no longer in control of my life: BG is. I don't set my schedule anymore. I don't decide when to work on my pet projects--I squeeze them in while she's napping. And sometimes, when it's the end of a long day, and BG is tired and cranky, and I'm tired and cranky, and she cries and can't be consoled, I do feel overwhelmed.

In spite of that, I've never once thought of leaving my wife or my baby. I have, however, contemplated allowing my mother-in-law to come for an extended visit and help out. Maybe that's what she meant by "trapped".