My Last Day

Today is my last day "off" and the last day I'm home with BG. Well, the nanny is still here, so I guess I'm not home alone.

I'm getting really nervous about going back to work. The nanny has been doing a very good job with BG this week, so I'm not too nervous about that. I mean, not any more than is to be expected. I think there will always be a certain amount of nervousness, leaving your child in the care of a person who isn't family. I'd have the same nerves if BG had to go to daycare, or hell, school. It's a mix of separation anxiety and the desire to make sure my daughter is well cared for. Go figure.

I'm also nervous about re-adjusting priorities and managing expectations at work. Yes, I was a working dad before I took my paternity leave. But having spent a month plus taking care of BG, and seeing 1) how much work it is and 2) how much attention she needs to develop well, I now have slightly re-adjusted priorities.

I've always been a bit of a workaholic, I've always been a "dedicated" employee... but that's changing. It's not that I don't do a good job--I think I do. And it's not that I'm not "dedicated"... I am. But before I we had BG, I would sometimes work into the evening, or even over a weekend. Not so much anymore. These days, my evenings and weekends are for my family, and frankly, if they don't like it at work: tough shit. One thing I've sworn I will not do is miss out on my daughter's life for a job--even a good job that I enjoy. In the end, there will be other jobs, but I'll never get back moments that I miss with my daughter, so I don't want to miss any of them.