A Story

BG wrote this story for me the other day, "Once there was an angry dinosaur. It was angry because it didn't have any food yet. The dinosaur was happy now. Then one day the dinosaur met another dinosaur. And they went to the park and they had popsicles. Then they went back home and ate dinner. After dinner they went to the park again and swang in the swing and see-sawed. Then they saw a weird thing. It had hair, but no feet and eyes and it couldn't do anything. They thought it was a salamander! Then they stopped to look at the weird thing. Then they saw it was eaten by a whale! The end."

I Know I'm Not Pretty, But Sheesh.

Tonight, BG was pretty tired from the day and being pretty crabby. After her bath, she screamed for her mommy and told me to go away.

Then, she wanted her mommy to read her stories, not me. So I went away. My wife read her several stories and then told her it was time for bed. BG asked for me.

So I went in, and BG was curled up, facing the wall. I sat down and asked her if she wanted me to lay with her, or if she wanted me to read her stories.

"I want you to read me stories. Five of them."

I got some books and sat down beside her, "Why don't you roll over, so you can see the pictures?"

"Because I don't want to see your ugly face."

Ah, the joys of fatherhood.

Daddy

I was off work this morning, taking care of some chores--like fixing up your Grandpa Ken's car, and R. took you to the "splash pad" at the local park.

I came home and took out the trash and you came back as I was out there. You saw me from the car, and I watched your face light up and you squeal, "Daddy!" Surprised to see me home.

That made my entire week.

I Yelled At You

I really, truly yelled at you. But I didn't do it out of anger, I did it out of fear.

We were at your Grammy's house and your mother, grandmother and I were all sitting at the kitchen table, talking. It had been a pretty exhausting trip, because we were there for your Uncle B's funeral.

You were wondering around, playing around the table, and had sat down next to the wall. There, on the wall, at just your height was an outlet. I was talking and I glanced over and noticed that you were just about to stick your finger in the outlet, and I yelled.

I yelled loud.

It startled you so much that you started to cry--and I almost burst into tears myself. I was so afraid of you sticking that finger into that socket, and what might happen to you. I can't fathom how devastated I would be if you were to be seriously hurt--or worse.

So I yelled.

It worked. You didn't put your finger in the socket, and I don't think you ever will. At our house, they are still covered anyway. And I'm so sorry that I scared you and sorry that I made you cry. But I love you more than anything in this world, and if I had to do it all over again, I'd yell again. At the top of my lungs.

The "F" Word

Well, it happened. You finally said the "F" word.

It actually happened a few months ago. We were at Ikea, shopping for a new rug for your play area, actually.

We were heading to the second floor, and there was a fly in the elevator. When you saw it, you started to jump up and down, while screaming, "There's a fucking bug in here! There's a fucking bug in here!"

It was both hilarious and mortifying. Someday, I hope to be able to return the favor.

Wisdom From My Wife

A tired toddler is a lot like a drunk. Sometimes, they just wanna fight somebody, and sometimes, they love you, man.

NPR Essay...

NPR is running a series on parenthood, where they are asking listener's to answer questions they pose. Here's a link... The current question is, "Has parenthood changed you? Was there a moment or incident that sparked the realization?" Below is my response.

The better question is how hasn’t parenthood changed me?

There was no single moment when I realized how much I had changed since becoming a parent. It wasn’t at our daughter’s birth; I don’t think I had “ baby love at first sight”. I was freaking out about the realization that I was suddenly responsible for the life of another human. A really, really tiny human.

As I have come to know my daughter, though, as her personality has developed, I’ve fallen more in love with her everyday. I have also become inexplicably more sentimental. My daughter is currently obsessed with Toy Story 3, and I cry at the ending every time.

Parenthood is a continual exercise in patience and a constant reminder of my inadequacies. Parenthood is exhausting and exhilarating. Parenthood is seemingly endless worry and endless joy. Parenthood does not define who I am, but now that I am a parent, if I weren’t any longer, I would not be whole.

RTS

I'm suffering from Restless Toddler Syndrome.

It's All Happening at the Zoo

Should you ever find yourself wondering, "Am I really a good parent?" Just take your kid to the zoo. There, you will find the answer.

And it won't be in an exhibit.

Hmmm.

Words that always warrant immediate further investigation:

"Hey, what are you doing over there?"

"Nothing! Nothing! Stay there!"

Mos-qui-to.

The mosquitos are pretty brutal again this summer. (Or as, BG calls them "mos-qui-tos").

"Daddy, I got a mos-quit-o bite this evening," then she spotted the moles on my arm, "You got bit, too!"

"No, those are moles."

"Mole bites?!!"

When I Grow Up

Today, BG said to me, ‎"When I grow up, I will be a girl or maybe a boy."

"I'm pretty sure you'll be a girl," I replied.

"No, I will be a boy."

"Why will you be a boy?"

"Because I want a pee tube, so I can pee standing up."

Even more funny: later, she decided she also wanted a poo tube.

Impromptu

This morning, BG caught part of "Chicken Little" on TV while I was trying to get some more sleep. Apparently, there are aliens in this version (beats me). They made an impression on her. Later, we were running errands and I was tapping rhythmically on the steering wheel, when BG said, "What song is that, daddy?"

"I don't know. What song do you want it to be?"

"The Alien Song"

"Uh, I don't know the Alien Song. How does it go?"

"The aliens are not going anywhere, The fireflies in my hand are blinking about," she sang.

 

 

Hooray for Daddy

Amazing how kids parrot what they hear. I was putting BG down for a nap this afternoon and after she went potty, I had to go. So I'm standing there, and start to do my business, when I hear from the other side of the door, "You're going pee-pee, Daddy! I am ssooooooo proud of you!!"